"I thought the man and woman at the door might be from a religious group. To my embarrassment I found myself profiling them before I opened the door.
I was wrong. It was an easy mistake to make, but it turns out they were from TIAPWWGA and told me I had been pre-approved for membership and they were bringing by my free gift. I found out later that acceptance in the club is automatic at a certain age.
I wondered how they got my name and they said they heard I was going on tour in the US this Spring. I wondered where they heard that rumor. "Is it true?" they answered.
Well -- yes it is -- I have accepted a few dates here for solo concerts starting west and heading east. I'm putting the players together now -- about fifteen dates in all.
But I was confused. How did they know about me? Had they gotten my name from someone in my organization that leaked the info? They wouldn't say. All they said was I was now officially recognized for membership in TIAPWWGA.
If I agreed to accept the membership then I would get free birthday parties, a standing invitation to a senior's class for learning to line dance, and a bottle of life extender vitamins. A gift value of over twenty dollars. And of course a life subscription to "Irrelevance!" magazine. I would become an official "tapwiggian"
Sounds awful, I told them. They said "suit yourself " and asked if they could leave a pamphlet anyway. They had to get to the UK and report back to mocking headquarters.
After they left I sat down and stared out the window for a long time at the fish eating my furniture. Dale came by with the skunk, but they were no help. (I think the skunk might be a jerk.) I was scared. Should I be going on tour? What should I do?
My songs are now almost as old as I am, but they still are frisky and alive.They have matured gracefully in my eyes like wonderful children. I know what cool kids look like as grown ups -- I have four human ones and they are all aces -- and the songs all have the same claim to my heart.
Rejection is soul-crushing -- most certainly. But there is no way to avoid it. We all reject each other from time to time for any number of reasons. Obviously in those times its best to turn to those who accept us.
Public humiliation is part of the performing game -- sometimes you eat the crow and not the bear. It's dangerous but exhilarating -- and the songs all want to go.
So, I finally decided, yes, I will gather them up and venture forth right after the Spring Equinox for fifteen US concerts -- and hope for the best.
I will touch down lightly in the venues, let the songs play, then move on. I'll avoid the spotlight and let the songs have their day.
I'm relieved I caught the TIAPWWGA representatives here at home before they came to a show, but I still feel their lurking presence, ready to induct me into their club. It haunts me.
I have no desire to become an official member of The International Association of People Who Wont Go Away." - Nesmith